and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
