Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
