1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
