if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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