I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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