I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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