Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
