Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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