Got a toothbrush?
White coat. Heels.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
