My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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