Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
