Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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