My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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