found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
