this beer tastes like vomit already
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i came on her dog
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
