I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
