He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
