having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
