Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
