Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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