How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
