i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
