I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
