just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
