Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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