My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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