i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
