so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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