I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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