Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
