drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
