Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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