Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
