I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
