I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
