if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
