I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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