Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
