I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
