I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
