i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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