My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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