I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your cock deserves a montage
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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