why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
