tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
