I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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