Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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