do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
