I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
