And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
