When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
