Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
