im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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