I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
