yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
soo... how was my night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
