You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
