puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
