i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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