WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
