fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
