I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
