my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We got so high we made milksteak
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
