well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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