I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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