I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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