i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
