i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
