Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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